So, we know that the Man in Black/Smoke Monster has assumed the shape of Locke, in order to gain the trust of Ben and kill Jacob. (Hooray! He finally found the loophole he was looking for in the 1800's, or whenever. Good for him.)
except...
I think Sayid is the new Jacob.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Quick update
38. I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, Tucker Max
39. Will Grayson, Will Grayson, John Green & David Levithan
40. Leviathan, Scott Westerfeld
41. A Great and Terrible Beauty, Libba Bray
-1,902 words
-104 lbs.
39. Will Grayson, Will Grayson, John Green & David Levithan
40. Leviathan, Scott Westerfeld
41. A Great and Terrible Beauty, Libba Bray
-1,902 words
-104 lbs.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
YouTube Ethnography Interview
Amelia has been interviewing YouTubers for her Ethnography class. I thought her questions were interesting, so I've posted them with my answers below. Please feel free to comment or make a blog post with your own answers. I'd love to hear what you think about YouTube!
1. What exactly do you do? (I know you make videos but what kind of videos? Ex. Video blogs, animations, art, etc.)
Mostly video blogs, a few songs.
2. Why do you do what you do/why do you film yourself doing what you do and post it on the internet?
In the beginning it was to reconnect with my sister. I’d spent four years away from her in college, and was moving across the country for grad school as she was heading off to her first year of college. We spent the summer before our departures together, realized how much we missed talking to each other frequently, and decided to start a video blog. Gradually we started talking outside of YouTube on a regular basis, but we kept the channel going to stay in touch with our subscribers.
3. Why YouTube over other video hosting sites like vimeo.com?
YouTube had a greater sense of community to me.
4. How long have you been posting videos on YouTube?
18 months
5. What motivated you to start posting videos on YouTube? Did someone influence you? If yes, who?
We saw how brothers John and Hank Green had reconnected using a collaborative YouTube channel, and basically just started a less witty, more girly version of their idea.
6. What do you hope to accomplish by posting videos on the internet?
I’ve already accomplished my first goal of maintaining better contact with my sister. My main goal now is to maintain the friendships I’ve made with my subscribers, and hopefully make them smile. :-)
7. How long does it usually take you to make a video? What processes do you go through and how long do those take? (Ex. Filming, editing, replying to comments, etc.)
Scripting usually takes 20-30 minutes. Filming a video can take anywhere from 8 minutes to a few hours, depending on whether it’s a straight vlog or if there are added elements. Editing, depending on the number of cuts, can take anywhere from 15-90 minutes. Replying to comments is the most fun part, so who cares how long that takes? I would say my average video takes three hours from the time I start writing to the time my viewers see it.
8. Do comments or views or number of subscribers have any influence on how often you make videos? If yes, how so?
The fewer comments I get, the less likely I am to make a video. They are very addictive...the more you get, the more you want!
9. Do you feel as though you have an influence over your subscribers? If yes, how much/in what way(s)?
I don’t think I have a huge influence on them, but sometimes if I recommend a book, a few people might buy or borrow it. People might watch a video if I direct them to it. I try to stay on safe topics, like books and videos. :-)
10. Do your subscribers influence and/or inspire you? If yes, how?
My friends and family are constantly hearing me say “Oh, my subscribers would love this! Hold on while I take a picture.” They’ve made me more appreciative of the little things.
11. Are you a YouTube partner? If yes, how does that work?
Yes. We were partnered after a video of ours was featured on the front page of YouTube. We’re contracted not to talk about actual numbers, but basically we can enable revenue sharing on our videos via Google AdSense. For every thousand views, we get a small compensation. Tiny compensation, even. We need way more viewers. :-)
12. Is video making a large part of your life or your daily routine? Do you consider it a hobby or an occupation or something else? If something else, what?
It used to be part of my daily routine, and hopefully will again. For me it is part hobby, part vital networking. I’ve gotten a few jobs from contacts I’ve made on YouTube, and this is one major reason why I’m continuing to make videos.
13. In your experience, what kind of videos get the most views/what kind of channels get the most subscribers? Why do you think this is?
Videos with celebrities or even “Internet celebrities” generate the most views, but they don’t typically get a lot of subscribers. People are interested in seeing their heroes, but not interested in the lives of the people who have met them.
14. You seem to have a substantial number of subscribers and I assume you get recognized from time to time (or perhaps often), is this pleasant or uncomfortable?
So far I’ve only been recognized at YouTube gatherings, although my sister has been recognized outside of gatherings. I like meeting viewers because it gives me a chance to get to know them a little bit, to put a face behind the username. There have been a few uncomfortable moments with people who are extremely shy, but I would say overall it’s great.
15. Do you consider yourself famous?
Absolutely not.
16. How are friendships/relationships formed via YouTube?
I read all of my comments. If I see a username appear on nearly every video, I go check out their channel, and if it seems cool I’ll subscribe. I have some friendships that have formed purely because of conversations in the comments section. More often, my friendships have been formed in blogTV shows starring YouTubers or at YouTube gatherings.
17. How have the friendships/relationships that started from YouTube translated in the “meet” world?
None of my “best” YouTube friends live near me, but in the last year I’ve traveled to nine cities in six different states in order to see them. Some cities, multiple trips. Interacting with my friends in person is a thousand times better than just chatting online. There’s no one that is a better online friend than an offline friend. In short, these relationships translate brilliantly.
18. Are you or have you been in a relationship that started from YouTube? How did that work?
Yes. It was fun while it lasted, but it was short lived due to extreme distance and lack of funds to visit frequently.
19. How do gatherings work? Who plans them and who goes to them?
Gatherings are usually planned by the attendee with the largest audience. Anyone is welcome to come, whether they’ve seen one video on that channel or all of them, whether they’ve made videos themselves or none at all. People who are new to gatherings usually bring friends for moral support, so there are a fair number of non-YouTubers there as well.
20. Do you use other websites that seem to be associated with YouTube like Dailybooth and Twitter? If yes, why?
I use Twitter primarily to distract myself from doing anything remotely productive, although it does come in handy when a favorite YouTuber decides to have a live blogTV show. Most of my followers are subscribed to me on YouTube, but I honestly don’t know why. My tweets are not that interesting.
21. Do those websites help you form better relationships with the people you’ve met through YouTube? If yes, how?
I enjoy seeing the updates of the people I’ve already become good friends with, but I don’t think Twitter had anything to do with forming the friendship.
22. What is your favorite aspect of YouTube? (Ex. The relationships you’ve created, your subscribers, the opportunity to display something you’ve created, etc.)
It’s done wonders for my self-esteem. Sure, there are haters out there, but it’s usually a really amazing community. I feel cool because other people, who I think are cool, think I am cool. Also, it blows my mind that I went from being a huge fan of certain YouTubers to being good friends with them and collaborating with them. That just doesn’t happen in the rest of the world. I really value those friendships.
23. I have heard people say that YouTube changed their life. Has it changed yours? If yes, how?
I have a lot more self confidence, which has made it easier to network, and I’m less frightened of public speaking. Hours and hours of editing footage of myself made me more comfortable with my voice and the way I look, which has improved my life all the way around. I’m still not the most eloquent person (or the prettiest) but it’s easier to laugh at myself and my mistakes because I know just what I look and sound like!
1. What exactly do you do? (I know you make videos but what kind of videos? Ex. Video blogs, animations, art, etc.)
Mostly video blogs, a few songs.
2. Why do you do what you do/why do you film yourself doing what you do and post it on the internet?
In the beginning it was to reconnect with my sister. I’d spent four years away from her in college, and was moving across the country for grad school as she was heading off to her first year of college. We spent the summer before our departures together, realized how much we missed talking to each other frequently, and decided to start a video blog. Gradually we started talking outside of YouTube on a regular basis, but we kept the channel going to stay in touch with our subscribers.
3. Why YouTube over other video hosting sites like vimeo.com?
YouTube had a greater sense of community to me.
4. How long have you been posting videos on YouTube?
18 months
5. What motivated you to start posting videos on YouTube? Did someone influence you? If yes, who?
We saw how brothers John and Hank Green had reconnected using a collaborative YouTube channel, and basically just started a less witty, more girly version of their idea.
6. What do you hope to accomplish by posting videos on the internet?
I’ve already accomplished my first goal of maintaining better contact with my sister. My main goal now is to maintain the friendships I’ve made with my subscribers, and hopefully make them smile. :-)
7. How long does it usually take you to make a video? What processes do you go through and how long do those take? (Ex. Filming, editing, replying to comments, etc.)
Scripting usually takes 20-30 minutes. Filming a video can take anywhere from 8 minutes to a few hours, depending on whether it’s a straight vlog or if there are added elements. Editing, depending on the number of cuts, can take anywhere from 15-90 minutes. Replying to comments is the most fun part, so who cares how long that takes? I would say my average video takes three hours from the time I start writing to the time my viewers see it.
8. Do comments or views or number of subscribers have any influence on how often you make videos? If yes, how so?
The fewer comments I get, the less likely I am to make a video. They are very addictive...the more you get, the more you want!
9. Do you feel as though you have an influence over your subscribers? If yes, how much/in what way(s)?
I don’t think I have a huge influence on them, but sometimes if I recommend a book, a few people might buy or borrow it. People might watch a video if I direct them to it. I try to stay on safe topics, like books and videos. :-)
10. Do your subscribers influence and/or inspire you? If yes, how?
My friends and family are constantly hearing me say “Oh, my subscribers would love this! Hold on while I take a picture.” They’ve made me more appreciative of the little things.
11. Are you a YouTube partner? If yes, how does that work?
Yes. We were partnered after a video of ours was featured on the front page of YouTube. We’re contracted not to talk about actual numbers, but basically we can enable revenue sharing on our videos via Google AdSense. For every thousand views, we get a small compensation. Tiny compensation, even. We need way more viewers. :-)
12. Is video making a large part of your life or your daily routine? Do you consider it a hobby or an occupation or something else? If something else, what?
It used to be part of my daily routine, and hopefully will again. For me it is part hobby, part vital networking. I’ve gotten a few jobs from contacts I’ve made on YouTube, and this is one major reason why I’m continuing to make videos.
13. In your experience, what kind of videos get the most views/what kind of channels get the most subscribers? Why do you think this is?
Videos with celebrities or even “Internet celebrities” generate the most views, but they don’t typically get a lot of subscribers. People are interested in seeing their heroes, but not interested in the lives of the people who have met them.
14. You seem to have a substantial number of subscribers and I assume you get recognized from time to time (or perhaps often), is this pleasant or uncomfortable?
So far I’ve only been recognized at YouTube gatherings, although my sister has been recognized outside of gatherings. I like meeting viewers because it gives me a chance to get to know them a little bit, to put a face behind the username. There have been a few uncomfortable moments with people who are extremely shy, but I would say overall it’s great.
15. Do you consider yourself famous?
Absolutely not.
16. How are friendships/relationships formed via YouTube?
I read all of my comments. If I see a username appear on nearly every video, I go check out their channel, and if it seems cool I’ll subscribe. I have some friendships that have formed purely because of conversations in the comments section. More often, my friendships have been formed in blogTV shows starring YouTubers or at YouTube gatherings.
17. How have the friendships/relationships that started from YouTube translated in the “meet” world?
None of my “best” YouTube friends live near me, but in the last year I’ve traveled to nine cities in six different states in order to see them. Some cities, multiple trips. Interacting with my friends in person is a thousand times better than just chatting online. There’s no one that is a better online friend than an offline friend. In short, these relationships translate brilliantly.
18. Are you or have you been in a relationship that started from YouTube? How did that work?
Yes. It was fun while it lasted, but it was short lived due to extreme distance and lack of funds to visit frequently.
19. How do gatherings work? Who plans them and who goes to them?
Gatherings are usually planned by the attendee with the largest audience. Anyone is welcome to come, whether they’ve seen one video on that channel or all of them, whether they’ve made videos themselves or none at all. People who are new to gatherings usually bring friends for moral support, so there are a fair number of non-YouTubers there as well.
20. Do you use other websites that seem to be associated with YouTube like Dailybooth and Twitter? If yes, why?
I use Twitter primarily to distract myself from doing anything remotely productive, although it does come in handy when a favorite YouTuber decides to have a live blogTV show. Most of my followers are subscribed to me on YouTube, but I honestly don’t know why. My tweets are not that interesting.
21. Do those websites help you form better relationships with the people you’ve met through YouTube? If yes, how?
I enjoy seeing the updates of the people I’ve already become good friends with, but I don’t think Twitter had anything to do with forming the friendship.
22. What is your favorite aspect of YouTube? (Ex. The relationships you’ve created, your subscribers, the opportunity to display something you’ve created, etc.)
It’s done wonders for my self-esteem. Sure, there are haters out there, but it’s usually a really amazing community. I feel cool because other people, who I think are cool, think I am cool. Also, it blows my mind that I went from being a huge fan of certain YouTubers to being good friends with them and collaborating with them. That just doesn’t happen in the rest of the world. I really value those friendships.
23. I have heard people say that YouTube changed their life. Has it changed yours? If yes, how?
I have a lot more self confidence, which has made it easier to network, and I’m less frightened of public speaking. Hours and hours of editing footage of myself made me more comfortable with my voice and the way I look, which has improved my life all the way around. I’m still not the most eloquent person (or the prettiest) but it’s easier to laugh at myself and my mistakes because I know just what I look and sound like!
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
My Song Titles Are Pushy
I was looking up a song and I realized how many of the songs on my iTunes begin with "Don't." So I thought I would compile a list:
"Don't Ask Me Why," Billy Joel
"Don't Back Down," The Beach Boys
"Don't Bring Me Down," Sia
"Don't Call It A Comeback," Motion City Soundtrack
"Don't Call Me Baby," Madison Avenue
"Don't Drink the Water," Dave Matthews Band
"Don't Eat the Yellow Snow," Frank Zappa
"Don't Fear the Word," The Remus Lupins
"Don't Forget Me," Red Hot Chili Peppers
"Don't I Hold You," Wheat
"Don't Know Why," Norah Jones
"Don't Leave Me," the All-American Rejects
"Don't Let Go," Weezer
"Don't Let Me Down," The Beatles
"Don't Let Me Down," Dana Fuchs
"Don't Let Me Down," No Doubt
"Don't Let Me Explode," The Hold Steady
"Don't Lie," Black Eyed Peas
"Don't Look Back (Demo)," Alex Day
"Don't Miss You At All," Norah Jones
"Don't Panic," Coldplay
"Don't Pass Me By", The Beatles
"Don't Phunk With My Heart," Black Eyed Peas
"Don't Point, Don't Scare It," Butterfly Boucher (a double whammy!)
"Don't Stay," Linkin Park
"Don't Stop," Fleetwood Mac
"Don't Stop Me Now," Queen
"Don't Stop the Rock," The Chemical Brothers
"Don't Think Of Me," Dido
"Don't Tickle Me," Dane Cook
"Don't Wait," Dashboard Confessional
"Don't Wait," Vaux
"Don't Wake Me Up," The Hush Sound
"Don't Worry About It," N*E*R*D
"Don't Worry Baby," The Beach Boys
"Don't You Know Who I Think I Am?" Fall Out Boy
"Don't You See?" DBGT
That's 37 songs that begin with the same bossy word. Only 19 start with "Do."
Anyway.
I read some books! So, to keep my list updated:
35. Twisted, Laurie Halse Anderson
36. The Picture of Dorian Gray, Oscar Wilde
37. In the President's Secret Service: Behind the Scenes with Agents in the Line of Fire and the Presidents They Protect, by Ronald Kessler
And right now I'm reading Chronicle of a Death Foretold, by Gabriel Garcia Marquez.
I have another cold. I felt better for a few days, but yesterday I woke up with a sore throat and by the time I went to bed I was using one tissue per page read of my book. Agh.
"Don't Ask Me Why," Billy Joel
"Don't Back Down," The Beach Boys
"Don't Bring Me Down," Sia
"Don't Call It A Comeback," Motion City Soundtrack
"Don't Call Me Baby," Madison Avenue
"Don't Drink the Water," Dave Matthews Band
"Don't Eat the Yellow Snow," Frank Zappa
"Don't Fear the Word," The Remus Lupins
"Don't Forget Me," Red Hot Chili Peppers
"Don't I Hold You," Wheat
"Don't Know Why," Norah Jones
"Don't Leave Me," the All-American Rejects
"Don't Let Go," Weezer
"Don't Let Me Down," The Beatles
"Don't Let Me Down," Dana Fuchs
"Don't Let Me Down," No Doubt
"Don't Let Me Explode," The Hold Steady
"Don't Lie," Black Eyed Peas
"Don't Look Back (Demo)," Alex Day
"Don't Miss You At All," Norah Jones
"Don't Panic," Coldplay
"Don't Pass Me By", The Beatles
"Don't Phunk With My Heart," Black Eyed Peas
"Don't Point, Don't Scare It," Butterfly Boucher (a double whammy!)
"Don't Stay," Linkin Park
"Don't Stop," Fleetwood Mac
"Don't Stop Me Now," Queen
"Don't Stop the Rock," The Chemical Brothers
"Don't Think Of Me," Dido
"Don't Tickle Me," Dane Cook
"Don't Wait," Dashboard Confessional
"Don't Wait," Vaux
"Don't Wake Me Up," The Hush Sound
"Don't Worry About It," N*E*R*D
"Don't Worry Baby," The Beach Boys
"Don't You Know Who I Think I Am?" Fall Out Boy
"Don't You See?" DBGT
That's 37 songs that begin with the same bossy word. Only 19 start with "Do."
Anyway.
I read some books! So, to keep my list updated:
35. Twisted, Laurie Halse Anderson
36. The Picture of Dorian Gray, Oscar Wilde
37. In the President's Secret Service: Behind the Scenes with Agents in the Line of Fire and the Presidents They Protect, by Ronald Kessler
And right now I'm reading Chronicle of a Death Foretold, by Gabriel Garcia Marquez.
I have another cold. I felt better for a few days, but yesterday I woke up with a sore throat and by the time I went to bed I was using one tissue per page read of my book. Agh.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Panda Gummis!
Hello, world.
I have a cold. This is my third cold this year. Immune suppressants can bite me.
Allow me to give you a summary of my day:
Wake up, blow nose, shower.
Turn on Gilmore Girls, Season 4.
Clean. Blow nose.
Switch to Gilmore Girls, Season 5.
Continue to clean. Keep tissues within reach.
Clean clean clean.
Cancel dinner plans in favor of cleaning and blowing nose.
Unpack boxes found in closet from when I moved last December.
Accidentally drip snot on ticket stub from vacation. Throw away immediately.
Blow nose. Look at ticket longingly. Leave in trash and keep cleaning.
Make emergency run to McDonald’s.
(It doesn’t count because Mom is paying for it.)
Clean.
Clean.
Clean.
After 12 hours of cleaning, finally give up and sit down to blog and drink hot chocolate.
I started reading Dorian Gray last night. I got through the first chapter and then decided I was finally tired enough to sleep. I had planned to continue tonight, but with this cold, we’ll see.
FAME was really fun. The movie....not really so great, but Kali, Jim, Trevor and I had a great time watching it. We sat in the back and laughed through the whole thing. Kali and Jim are both dancers, so it was hilarious listening to them make fun of the movie. We’re having a “movie night” tomorrow at my dad’s house. (He has a projector!) Trevor is bringing Basket Case, Kali and Jim are bringing Evil Dead, and I will have Lethal Weapon on hand. We’re hoping to have a few bad-movie-watching parties. Next time it’ll be Basket Case 2, Evil Dead 2, and Lethal Weapon 2. Etc. Except I actually like Lethal Weapon, and there are 4 of those, not 3.
Anyway, I came home last night with a smile on my face. It sounds cheesy but it’s true. ^_^
Kali bought me Panda Gummis yesterday. They’re half black and half white and they taste terrible, but the back of the box has a puzzle you can cut out and build. Definitely something for the video blog, which I have been neglecting. I have a lot of things to say to everyone on YouTube, but I’ve fallen out of the habit of vlogging regularly and now it feels weird. I will make it a priority to vlog this week though. At least once.
Didn’t wear the ring today. It turns my finger green after a day of wearing it, so I can’t wear it very often. I did trick one of my former high school classmates into thinking I was engaged, though. She came into the coffeeshop just as the barista asked to see it, so it was perfect timing. (I did confess the truth. We had a good laugh.)
Hot chocolate is now room temperature chocolate. This must be a sign.
Goodnight, everyone!
Friday, September 25, 2009
50 Book Challenge Update
Hello, world.
A couple of weeks ago I bought a fake diamond ring from Kohl’s. It’s so pretty and until you get close it looks completely real. I like to wear it because lately I haven’t been at all in the mood to flirt, and if you have a ring on your finger guys are a lot less likely to hit on you. While I do someday want to get married, I’m just not feeling like I want to get involved with anyone at the moment. I’m sure that will change at some point, but for now, the ring.
Meanwhile... BOOKS!!
I started the 50 Books in a Year Challenge on November 1st, 2008. Here’s my list so far, in the order that I read them:
- Feed, MT Anderson
- The Beautiful Miscellaneous, Dominic Smith
- Harry, A History, Melissa Anelli
- Oryx & Crake, Margaret Atwood
- The Lovely Bones, Alice Sebold
- The Almost Moon, Alice Sebold
- The Tales of Beedle the Bard, JK Rowling
- The Book Thief, Markus Zusak
- Snuff, Chuck Palahniuk
- The Bermudez Triangle, Maureen Johnson
- The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks, E Lockhart
- Suite Scarlett, Maureen Johnson
- The Hunger Games, Suzanne Collins
- The Astonishing Life of Octavian Nothing (Volume One), MT Anderson
- Doubt, John Patrick Shanley
- Boy Meets Boy, David Levithan
- Speak, Laurie Halse Anderson
- Uglies, Scott Westerfeld
- Pretties, Scott Westerfeld
- Marley’s Ghost, David Levithan
- Devilish, Maureen Johnson
- Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll
- The Great Gatsby, F Scott Fitzgerald
- The Great Perhaps, Joe Meno
- Specials, Scott Westerfeld
- The Physick Book of Deliverance Dane, Katherine Howe
- Catching Fire, Suzanne Collins
- The Poisonwood Bible, Barbara Kingsolver
- Me Talk Pretty One Day, David Sedaris
- The House on Mango Street, Sandra Cisneros
- The Everafter, Amy Huntley
- Push, Sapphire
- Just Listen, Sarah Dessen
- Story of a Girl, Sara Zarr
As you can see, I’ve been reading mostly YA Fiction. While fun to read, it’s not as intellectually stimulating as, say, The Poisonwood Bible. I did read Gatsby for the first time, so that was good. But I feel like there is a large part of my education in literature that was overlooked. I skipped American Lit in high school to take AP English, which meant that I never took a non-drama English class in college. I’ve read what feels like thousands of plays (probably only hundreds) but I still feel like my reading history is lacking something.
So, here is my goal for the next five weeks. I’m sure I won’t be able to finish everything, but I’m going to make a sincere attempt. I’ve tried to throw in a few quick reads as well, since I’m sure I’ll need a break after some of these:
The Sound and the Fury, William Faulkner
(I’d prefer As I Lay Dying, but S&F was on the used shelf and AILD was $13.00)
The Crucible, Arthur Miller
(A play that somehow escaped my reading lists for all of my college classes.)
The Picture of Dorian Gray, Oscar Wilde
(What self-respecting book lover hasn’t read this??)
The Astonishing Life of Octavian Nothing (Volume 2), MT Anderson
(I borrowed it from the library already.)
Twisted, Laurie Halse Anderson
(In honor of Banned Book Week next week.)
The Scarlet Letter, Nathaniel Hawthorne
(Because I skipped American Lit and I’m the only one I know who hasn’t read it.)
I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, Maya Angelou
(Banned Book Week again.)
The Metamorphosis, Franz Kafka
(So I can finally figure out what “Kafkaesque” means.)
The Bible of Clay, Julia Navarro
(My dad lent it to me.)
A Great and Terrible Beauty, Libba Bray
(Already started it.)
I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, Tucker Max
(Because I’m sure I’ll occasionally need a break from the other books.)
...Yeah, there’s no way I’ll be able to finish all of these before November 1st. Plus, that’s only 11 and I need 16. There are a lot of books I’ve started that are still on my shelf though, so maybe I can finish some of those in between these fine pieces of literature.
Okay, well, now that I’ve decided to devote my entire life to reading, I’m going to go see a movie with some friends. I’ll be sure to keep this updated with my progress. I’m planning to add up all the pages I’ve read on November 1st to make myself feel better if I don’t make my goal. If I counted re-reads, I’d only need 10 more books. Why did I waste my time on those? Hehe.
Have a good night, world.
Friday, September 11, 2009
May as well start by remembering.
Eight years ago today. Now, a little after 9am.
Today is my half birthday. Eight years ago I was turning fifteen and a half. I was a sophomore in high school. I baked cupcakes for the occasion, to bring to my Latin class. It was such a small class, we brought in treats for one another all the time.
But when I woke up in the morning, I didn't feel like going to school. So I said I was sick and I slept in. Then I got a phone call.
"Turn on the TV." It was my mom.
"What?"
"Turn on the TV!" She sounded frantic, but I couldn't figure out why she would call me and tell me to watch television.
I figured it out soon enough.
I worried about my family living in DC. I was confused about what was happening. It didn't seem real. New York City felt so far away. I'd never been there. I didn't know anyone there. Twin what? I knew about the Cities, but this was the first time I'd heard about the Towers. I was (and still am) pretty clueless about the places far away from me, and why people would want to destroy them.
I stayed on the phone with my mom for a half an hour before she hung up to call our relatives in DC. She couldn't get through. All the phone lines were busy, none of the calls were going through.
I decided I felt well enough to go to school, where I would be around other students and teachers who would tell us what was going on. As if they had any clearer idea than we did. My already-graduated boyfriend picked me up in his mom's car and dropped me off at the school. He hadn't seen the TV yet then.
As I walked to my class, I noticed an eerie silence had fallen over the school. None of the teachers were lecturing. None of the students were gossiping. Classroom after classroom of people's eyes glued to the TV. Many of the teachers standing almost under the TV, they were so close, so intent on what they were seeing. Some students visibly crying. Who would attack us?
Because our nation is so free from sin. What do we do but donate food to the children in Africa and build schools and churches for the people in Central America? We are so giving. We were all, in that school, so naive. At least I was.
I finally arrived at my classroom. People looked over to the sound of the door opening, but no one smiled. My teacher nodded at me, but didn't mark the attendance book. I realized I'd forgotten the cupcakes at home.
And that's how it was, for the rest of the day. We watched the TV. We watched the plane crash into the already smoking building again and again. We watched the first tower fall again and again, the second tower again and again and again and again for hours.
In 5th period, U.S. History, the television wasn't on. The students looked at one another, confused, as our teacher demanded our homework and began the lecture for the day. Something in the 1800's. I remember thinking it was incredibly ironic that the ONE class not watching television was U.S. History. I guess we'd been watching it happen over and over all day long, but I remember thinking it would be better to witness History than learn about something that happened 200 years ago. We can learn about 200 years ago tomorrow. Today is today.
I still sort of feel that way.
But in 6th period we were back to the TVs, so I guess it didn't matter that we'd missed an hour. I don't remember very much else about that day, other than coming home and finally learning that my relatives were all safe.
...
I've learned a lot since then. Mostly, I am not as proud of my country anymore.
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